Tough days ahead, have a good laugh for the moment :)
Mid-terms & mock exams are just around the corner, stress sia. Here's some nitty gritties to relieve yourself a bit :P
To those who can't take dirty jokes, pls do not read on.
No joke no fun!
4 miracles of a woman:>>
(i) getting wet without taking a shower
(ii) bleeding without getting hurt
(iii) giving milk without eating grass
(iv) and making boneless flesh hard
A man bumps into a woman at a hotel and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will forgive me." The lady replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I am in room 603."
Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?
A : First they attack their twin towers, then they crash into their pentagon.
Girls' reactions to various dick sizes:
9" - oh shit pain!
7" - oh yes, yum!
6" - oh perfect!
5" - mmm ok!
4" - push more
3" - is it in?
2" - idiot! Just use your tongue!
Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake
During pregnancy:
The 1st three months, do it the normal style.
Next three months do it the doggy style.
And the last three months do it the wolf style. Sit outside the hole and howl.
Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX'?
2% eat
3% smoke cigarettes
4% take a shower
5% go to sleep
86% get up and go back home to their wife
HOW TRUE!!!
What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?
"Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm going UP."
Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'
He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every Fuck. Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $250/-"
Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency.
Angry maid: "At least I am better than you in bed."
Lady (amazed): "Did boss tell you this?"
Maid: "No, the driver did."
What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
" After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."
A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."
Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking?"
Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours and you are left unfucked how would you feel?"
Policeman arrested a prostitute.
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!"
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo."
A female reporter was interviewing a farmer regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter: Sir, would you like to comment about the mad cow disease?
Farmer: Lady, do you know that bulls and cows only have sex once a year?
Reporter: Sir, I respect your comment but we are talking about mad cow disease.
F armer: Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow's breast six times a day.
Reporter: Sir, but what is it got to do with mad cow disease.
Farmer: If your boyfriend squeeze your breast six times a day, but only have SEX once in a year, WILL YOU BE MAD?
To those who can't take dirty jokes, pls do not read on.
No joke no fun!
4 miracles of a woman:>>
(i) getting wet without taking a shower
(ii) bleeding without getting hurt
(iii) giving milk without eating grass
(iv) and making boneless flesh hard
A man bumps into a woman at a hotel and says "So sorry ma'am. If your heart is as soft as your breasts, you will forgive me." The lady replies, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I am in room 603."
Q : How do the Talibans seduce their women?
A : First they attack their twin towers, then they crash into their pentagon.
Girls' reactions to various dick sizes:
9" - oh shit pain!
7" - oh yes, yum!
6" - oh perfect!
5" - mmm ok!
4" - push more
3" - is it in?
2" - idiot! Just use your tongue!
Ever wondered why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?
A - Airport (flat)
B - Barely there
C - Can do
D - Damn good
E - Enormous
F - Fake
During pregnancy:
The 1st three months, do it the normal style.
Next three months do it the doggy style.
And the last three months do it the wolf style. Sit outside the hole and howl.
Latest statistics on 'what men do after SEX'?
2% eat
3% smoke cigarettes
4% take a shower
5% go to sleep
86% get up and go back home to their wife
HOW TRUE!!!
What did Newton's dick say to him after seeing a nude woman?
"Fuck you and your law of gravity, I'm going UP."
Man was sobbing in a bar. His friend asked 'why?'
He said: "my wife makes me pay $ 100/- for every Fuck. Friend said: "you're lucky, she charges others $250/-"
Lady scolds her maid for inefficiency.
Angry maid: "At least I am better than you in bed."
Lady (amazed): "Did boss tell you this?"
Maid: "No, the driver did."
What is the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
" After a year, the dog is still excited to see you."
A wife complains to the doctor that her hubby is 300% impotent. The doc asks "how 300%?" She says: "you know about the 100%, and now he has broken his finger and burnt his tongue."
Teacher: "why buffaloes get depressed after milking?"
Student: "Ma'am, if your boobs are rubbed for 2 hours and you are left unfucked how would you feel?"
Policeman arrested a prostitute.
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex!"
Policeman: "Then what are you doing?"
Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering free demo."
A female reporter was interviewing a farmer regarding mad cow disease.
Reporter: Sir, would you like to comment about the mad cow disease?
Farmer: Lady, do you know that bulls and cows only have sex once a year?
Reporter: Sir, I respect your comment but we are talking about mad cow disease.
F armer: Lady, and do you know that we squeeze cow's breast six times a day.
Reporter: Sir, but what is it got to do with mad cow disease.
Farmer: If your boyfriend squeeze your breast six times a day, but only have SEX once in a year, WILL YOU BE MAD?
posted by nE| at 5:18 pm
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